


The Ambiguously Gay Avengers Duo

by GutterBall



Category: Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Ambiguity, Cussing, Draw your own conclusions, M/M, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Snark, Timeline What Timeline, canon-typical situations, dash of angst, mentions of sexual situations, so much ambiguity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-16
Updated: 2015-06-16
Packaged: 2018-04-04 15:29:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,529
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4142970
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GutterBall/pseuds/GutterBall
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Anyone who watched SNL during the Colbert/Carrell years needs no explanation. For everyone else, Tony notices that he keeps catching Steve and Bucky in rather compromising circumstances and positions, and he starts to think maybe the pair are "making time" and just don't want to come out with it. So, he mounts a crusade to catch them in the act, so to speak, dragging poor Bruce along for the horrible, bumpy, twisty ride.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Pilot Episode - Finger-Lickin' Good

"I'm not saying it _matters_ to me. Because it's totally fine if they _are_."

"Then why do you need to know so bad? If it doesn't matter, you shouldn't care."

Tony Stark, genius billionaire playboy philantropist and Iron Man extraordinaire, pouted into his wheat grass and kale apple smoothie. "Did you see them during movie night? Cap was feeding him popcorn."

Bruce Banner, sometimes genius physicist with more degrees than most colleges and sometimes raging green fury monster, rolled his eyes. "They were on opposite ends of the couch. They were throwing it to each other. I mean, _we've_ done that. Who hasn't?"

But Tony shook his head and hopped off his lab stool to pace. Bruce was honestly surprised the man had sat still long enough to get antsy.

"You fell asleep before the credits for the first movie and didn't see the rest of it. Right before we started the second flick, Cap laid back against the arm of the couch, and Barnes scooted up to lie back against his chest. _Between his legs._ And when they were all comfy and the movie was going, they sat their popcorn bowl right over Barnes' junk, and Cap slowly, piece by piece, fed him by hand."

Bruce shrugged, uncomfortable with all the speculation. "Look, Barnes was tortured and isolated for a long time, okay? Maybe Steve's just trying to help him feel comfortable with physical closeness aga--"

_"There was finger-licking."_

Sighing, Bruce pinched the bridge of his nose under his glasses. "It's none of our business, Tony. Just let it go."

"I can't! Why won't they just admit it?"

"I dunno, maybe because it was literally illegal in their time?" Bruce stood off his own lab stool and tried to go back to work by gesturing up a few displays. "Sure, being gay isn't illegal now -- in most countries, anyway -- but they've only been in the now a few years, and they spent a lot longer than that in a political climate where even a hint of a limp wrist could get you arrested or worse."

Tony threw up his hands and groaned over-dramatically. "We're all friends here, Bruce. Even if it _were_ still illegal, none of us would just hand them over for stealing kisses after a seventy year nightmare for the both of them." Grunting, he swiped away the display between him and Bruce and forced his most serious expression. "If I won't turn Barnes over for killing my parents, I think it's obvious I wouldn't turn either of them out for this."

Sighing again, Bruce mentally reminded himself that his friend was used to his private life being on display and usually kind of liked that. He could -- vaguely -- understand how completely alien someone like Tony Stark would find the basic human desire for privacy and quiet.

So, he used his calmest, most gentle and understanding voice. "Tony. None of our business."

Heaving an over-dramatic sigh, Tony slumped, shook his head, and went back to his side of the lab, swiping up displays as he went. "Just wait until you catch them doing something iffy and see how you feel, Banner."

"Whatever you say, Tony."

God, he hoped his science bro -- Tony's phrase, but it had wormed its way into Bruce's lexicon, too -- would just let it go. Unfortunately, he'd known Tony just long enough to know he wouldn't do any such thing.


	2. Episode 1 - The Nerve of That Guy

Honestly, the whole issue slipped Bruce's mind for a day or two. It was none of his business, after all, and he spent most of his time either in the lab with Tony or overseeing the reinforcement of his personal floor to make it as Hulk-proof as possible or going out on the occasional Avengers mission, though he hoped every time that he wouldn't actually be needed. In short, he just didn't have time to wonder whether or not Captain America and Sergeant Barnes had spent their coming up and war years playing Hide the Sausage and/or had recently taken up their old pastimes where they left off back in 1943.

Of course, such ignorant bliss couldn't last. He forced himself to stop by the main level for breakfast after Natasha teased that he'd turned into a recluse, and once he was comfortably seated at the breakfast bar with a stack of Sam's fresh-made waffles in front of him, he forgot why he'd let himself get so bogged down with work in the first place. He'd spent most of his adult life isolating himself so as not to be a threat, but he genuinely felt accepted here in Avengers Tower. It felt... good... to be among friends.

He was just starting on his second stack when Tony elbowed him hard in the ribs.

"Ow, hey! What the--"

But a single glance at Tony's face quieted him, and he turned to look at whatever had his science bro so wide-eyed. And, just like that, he was wide-eyed, too.

Steve and Barnes -- he couldn't quite bring himself to call the former Winter Soldier _Bucky_ ; the man still moved with too much deadly precision for such an innocuous name -- had just stepped out of the elevator, and even Bruce couldn't help but admit that they looked... compromised. Maybe even a little debauched.

Both were sweaty and disheveled, their hair mussed and their faces flushed. Steve wore track pants and a white wifebeater that had soaked through and clung lovingly to his musculature. His disturbingly rosy-lipped grin could light up Yankee Stadium. Barnes, though, looked more debauched by far. The former assassin wore similar track pants but no shirt, and his flushed and sweaty torso -- with the obvious exception of the metal arm -- was dotted here and there with... hickeys? Surely, those weren't hickeys.

But Steve's mouth was awfully red.

And Barnes looked... smug as hell, for all that he was shirtless and marked up with his hair falling out of the formerly careful ponytail and sticking to his flushed cheeks.

Bruce really ought to tell Tony to stop staring. Unfortunately, he couldn't stop staring long enough to do so.

Thank God for Sam Wilson. Either oblivious to the just-got-laid look of the duo or refreshingly open and free of even latent prejudice, their resident V.A. counselor only said, "Hey, guys. Waffles are up."

Steve, of course, only grinned more. "Let us clean up first. We really hit the mats this morning."

Tony made a small choking noise in his throat. Bruce elbowed him.

Before it got awkward, Natasha strolled in, looking decidedly un-assassin-like in her flannel pajama pants and an old Megadeth t-shirt, her hair in a ponytail and her feet bare. None of which meant she wasn't armed, of course.

"Ooh, hickeys, boys?"

Tony choked again. Bruce just closed his eyes and shook his head.

Barnes snorted, but Steve chuckled outright. "Bucky was showing me how to go for pressure points. I mean, I know a lot of ways to take a man down, but Buck showed me nerve bundles I never knew existed."

This time, Bruce elbowed Tony before he could choke. Smiling that secret little smile of hers, Natasha sat down beside him and stole the top waffle off his stack.

Barnes shot them a look. "What's with you guys?"

Embarrassed guilt suffused him, and he forced a quick grin. Unfortunately, he and Tony were in unison when they both piped up with, "Nothing!"

"Riiiiiiight." Narrowing his eyes, Barnes reached back and rubbed just at the swell of his butt. Some of the smug faded as he returned his attention to Steve. "Next time you jab me in the ass, pal, gimme a little warning, huh? My toes are still all pins-and-needles."

What he wouldn't give to reach over and clap a hand over Tony's mouth, just in case. Thankfully, Tony did it for himself, trying to make the gesture look casual and failing miserably. Ever observant, Natasha took everything in while she slowly ate her waffle, smiling that barely-there little smile of hers.

"Hey, I tried to catch you when your leg gave out. All I got for it was the back of your head right in the kisser."

Barnes snickered, the moment's irritation turning back into smug. "If a fat lip is all you got for a cheap shot like that, you're getting off light."

"Jerk."

"Punk."

Tony watched the exchange like it was the most fascinating tennis match ever, and Bruce watched Tony, just to keep his elbow ready for jabbing in case it looked like his science bro was about to say something embarrassing. Thankfully, it was again Sam who saved the day.

"Hey, if you two are done bromancing over there, I'd appreciate if you go get cleaned up. I'm not making waffles all day, ya know. I gotta be at the V.A. in an hour."

Steve looked at Barnes and raised his eyebrows. "Race you to the shower?"

"What, are you kidding? I let you prod every pressure point on my body, and you think you get all the hot water? Nice, Steve. Reeeeeal nice."

Thank God, but they headed for their temporary digs -- Tony was still working on their floor; Barnes had been something of a surprise addition to Steve's space requirements -- idly shoving at each other and bickering fondly. It... _seemed_ like just bro banter, right?

Nothing really gay about it.

"They are so gonna bang in the shower." Tony shook his head. "Jarvis? Record everything that happens in that room."

Bruce twitched. "Tony--!"

"Sir, Captain Rogers and Sergeant Barnes have requested my inactive presence in their rooms. I imagine the thought of an omnipotent surveillance system watching their every move makes them feel a bit unsettled, considering the era in which they were raised."

"Dammit, Jarvis!" The dork actually shook his fist at the ceiling. "Don't make me disable your ethics protocols."

"Tony, enough." Shaking his head, Bruce forced his attention back to his waffles, only to realize Natasha had stolen every last one. He shot her a narrow-eyed look that he didn't really mean and she didn't buy for a second. "Leave them alone, will you? Need I remind you that it's really none of our business?"

Sam, in the process of plating him another stack, paused to eye them each in turn. "Really, guys? You're speculating?"

Natasha poured herself a glass of orange juice. "I'm not."

Bruce put his hands up. "Neither am I. I keep telling him it's none of our business, either way."

No one did patent, silent disapproval like Sam Wilson. He didn't even have to say anything. He just gave Tony that look.

"What? We're all friends here! I just think they should tell us instead of sneaking around like this."

Sam rolled his eyes. "Tony, they're not gay. They've been joined at the hip since they were kids. They've both died for each other. _Almost literally_. And they're the only people they personally know who lived through the Great Depression. They have a common past none of us can understand. They're _close_ , man. That's all."

Tony gesticulated. "Did you not see what I just saw?"

Natasha sipped at her juice. "I saw two sweaty, half-naked men in their nineties, neither of which I'd hesitate to climb like a tree. Is that what you saw, Tony?"

Sam smirked. "Yeah, Stark. Projecting much?"

The poor guy sputtered, caught flat-footed and, for once, without a witty comeback. Bruce grinned and shot Natasha a wink. While the Winter Soldier had shot her -- twice, actually -- she seemed to have taken his entry to the fold more easily than the other Avengers. Except for Steve, of course.

No one had been as outright ecstatic as Steve to have Bucky Barnes back at his side.

So it wasn't all that surprising when it was Natasha who slipped down off her barstool and shot Tony a much more serious look on her way out of the common area. "Leave them alone, Stark. Don't make me tell Pepper that you're trying to out her new favorite dynamic duo."

Oh, that one was right on the money. Tony paled and shut his mouth.

Grinning, Bruce went back to his breakfast and let his mind return to work.


	3. Episode 2 - Nothing Like an Old-Fashioned

Okay, so it was a bit of a surprise to walk in on what looked like a spectacularly lazy but thorough blowjob. Even Bruce could admit that.

He could also admit that he stared maybe a little too long at the image. But how could he not? The moment was freeze-framed in his memory forever now. Dimly, he could only be grateful that Tony was still talking to Jarvis back in the elevator. He'd never hear the end of it, otherwise.

As he froze in the doorway, he tried to take in the details to make some sort of sense of them in any other context. Steve stood facing the doorway, his lower half blocked by Barnes, who sat sprawled in a chair facing Steve. The squeaky-clean image of wholesomeness and patriotism leaned down slightly, his hand at the back of Barnes' head with his fingers threaded into that longish hair, tilting his friend's face up at just the right angle. He stood close, between Barnes' splayed knees, a downright worshipful expression on his face as he stared down.

And Barnes... well... Barnes was damn near purring, his arms dangling loose and easy at his sides, his entire body as lax as putty in his oldest friend's gentle hands.

Bruce's brain refused to cough up any other possible explanation, and then -- because _of freakin' course_ \-- Tony walked up behind him and stopped mid-sentence to gape, as well.

Oh, thank God, but Steve picked that crucial moment before Tony's mouth kicked in to move, lifting the straight razor off to the side to wash off the shaving foam in a nearby bowl of water. Bruce had never in his life been so glad to see a simple water basin, let alone a deadly weapon.

"God, Stevie, you have always been a fucking master at this."

Steve chuckled low in his chest and lowered the blade for another careful, gentle swipe. "Said as if you've had so many other people do it."

Tony made that little choking noise again, so Bruce forestalled any comment by grabbing his arm and dragging them both into the room for a better, less confusing angle. Sure enough, it was nothing but an innocent wet shave. All parties were fully clothed, although they only wore wife-beaters up top to spare the shirts they'd tossed off to one side, and no one seemed to have any difficulty in the front of their pants.

Barnes gave another throaty moan as Steve trailed the blade down over his jaw. "Shut up and shave me, punk."

Just as Bruce began to think they might get out of this one without any further embarrassment, Tony cleared his throat and asked the question. Because _of course_ he did.

"So... you guys do this often?"

Steve shot him an unreadable look, then returned his focus to the task at hand. "Used to, back in the day. Couldn't afford to get a real shave, so we had to make do for each other." Another swish in the water bowl, another gentle swipe, this time down the exposed throat. "Honestly, this is the first time Buck's been comfortable enough with the idea of a blade at his neck to even try it."

And just like that, Bruce felt like a jerk for his immediate assumption and for Tony's loaded question. No matter how it had looked at first glance, he should've found a way to keep Tony from blurting.

Thankfully, even Iron Man wasn't oblivious to the censure in the captain's tone. "Right. Well, that's a big step forward, right? Carry on then, gents. But don't think I'm letting you anywhere near my manscaping with that blade, Rogers."

Steve started to retort, but Barnes beat him to it. His voice still low and throaty, he chuckled. "You should let him, Stark. I swear to God Steve gave me more action than any of my own charm."

Tony opened his mouth. Bruce elbowed him in the ribs. Hard.

Grinning fondly again, Steve paused his strokes and shook his head. "Nothing spoils the mood faster than stubble burn on sensitive skin, eh, Buck?"

Barnes made an affirmative noise. "It's just inconsiderate."

At the sudden silence, both men glanced over at them. Steve's eyebrows rose. "What's with that look?"

Again, though they didn't mean to, Bruce and Tony spoke in too-hasty unison. "Nothing!"

Barnes rolled his eyes and nudged Cap's thigh with his own. "They're just jealous, Stevie. Finish up while the water's still warm."

Bruce could physically feel all the questions piling up in Tony's mouth, so he thought it the better part of valor to nudge his friend in any direction that wasn't closer to the two men who, despite his knowledge that it was nothing but a shave going on over there, still looked somehow... intimate. Tony went, grudgingly and with many a look back over his shoulder. Bruce could only be grateful that he held back his commentary long enough for the elevator doors to close behind them.

"Don't even tell me they aren't testing out their baby-smooth cheeks on each other's thighs, Banner."

He blinked. "I could have gone my whole life without that image, Tony. Really."

"I'm telling you, that was not a friend shaving a friend. The fingers in the hair, that look on Cap's face, and those noises outta the Frozen Warrior...." Tony shook his head. "You are deep in denial, my friend. Forget it being a river in Egypt. You are drowning in an ocean of it."

He opened his mouth to argue, then closed it again. Truth be told, that hadn't looked like a platonic _anything_. Steve's expression alone had been downright worshipful, and he hadn't seen Barnes that loose-limbed _ever_ , even in old black and white pictures from the war. And that banter....

But no. No matter what the pair had or didn't have between them, he reminded himself even as he reminded Tony.

"Not. Our. Business."

Tony shook his head, and Bruce could only sigh.


	4. Episode 3 - Keep It Clean, Boys

"I'm just sayin'. You look like the money shot in a freaky Japanese porno."

Bruce had maintained a deathgrip on Tony's arm for the past half hour straight. Thankfully, his friend had stepped out of the Iron Man suit the moment they'd all piled back into the jet. Otherwise, the cramp in Bruce's hand would have long since brought out the Hulk, and none of the snark being thrown back and forth would have mattered.

Normally, such snark would have been an amusing follow-up to a successful mission. This time, though, Steve was none too pleased about the whole situation. His patriotic jaw had been clenched the entire flight back to the tower while Barnes peppered him with innuendo about the goo sticking his suit to his supremely in-shape form.

"All right then, Buck, how 'bout _you_ get eaten by a space worm next time and see how _you_ look after it chokes to death on you and your friends have to cut you out of its throat before you suffocate."

Uh-oh. Every single one of the Avengers had heard Captain America use that particular tone at some point, but never on the adored and revered Bucky Barnes.

Apparently, the former assassin realized he had crossed a line. Maybe he'd heard that tone, too. Maybe back when their only enemies were a bunch of deluded humans with superpowered weaponry and some schmuck with a scalded skull for a face.

"All right, climb down, Stevie. Jesus. You used to have a much better sense of humor."

Everyone seemed to hold their breath -- Clint in the pilot seat, Natasha in the copilot chair, Bruce and Tony in the line of fire back in the cargo area where Steve insisted on standing so he didn't get alien goop all over the jet. Even Barnes eyed his old friend warily, waiting to see if he'd calm down or get even more pissed.

Finally, Steve sighed. "Maybe I'll find it funny when I'm not glued to my suit with interstellar Vaseline."

Barnes snorted, even as everyone seemed to silently sigh with relief. "I gotta admit, I'm actually kind of impressed with that worm thing. Its mouth hole didn't look that big."

Tony perked back up, and without even thinking about it, Bruce reestablished his grip, silently begging his science bro not to do the thing.

Because Steve did not look amused.

"I mean, look at you. You're a lot to take. It's no wonder it choked to death. Broad as a barn, pal."

The arm in his grip was positively thrumming. All Bruce could do was pray Barnes would shut the hell up before Tony's rapidly-shredding sense of self-preservation deserted him entirely.

Of course, Steve seemed oblivious to the innuendo. "It... had some trouble. I honestly thought it'd dislocated one of my shoulders at one point."

"Well, that's where you're broadest." Barnes gave the slime-slathered Steve an appraising glance. "Once it worked you past there, though, I bet the rest of you just sucked right in."

Tony's mouth opened. Bruce clenched his hand tight enough that he felt a muscle threaten to give out. Natasha and Clint exchanged speaking glances in the cockpit.

This time, Tony wouldn't be stopped, no matter how deep the bruise on his arm would be tomorrow. "Bruce, I'm serious. They're doing it on purpose now."

The dynamic duo looked over as one, but it was Barnes who asked, "Doing what?"

This time, all four of the other people in the plane chimed in with, "Nothing!"

Barnes shook his head. "Steve, your friends are weird."

Sighing and moving to pinch the bridge of his nose, only to pull back at the last second when he remembered that his glove was also soaked with alien secretions, Steve slumped. "I blame Tony."

Tony stiffened. "For what?"

_"Everything."_

"Rude."

Thankfully, Barnes intervened. "Alright, alright, punk. We're almost back to the tower, and you'll feel a helluva lot better once we peel you outta that suit."

Tony shot Bruce a look, but Bruce just closed his eyes and shook his head.

Steve sighed again. "I cannot wait for a shower. I hope you weren't lying about never running out of hot water, Tony, because I'm gonna put it to the test."

Ah, solid ground. Technical stuff about the tower, they could handle. Relieved, Bruce finally took his hand back, rubbing at the throbbing ache from having strained his grip for so long.

"Don't you worry about that, Cap. You could shower for a week straight and not run out of hot water. You have my blessing."

Of course, the moment couldn't last.

This time, it wasn't even Tony.

"Of course, it'd take another week just to get rid of the streaks on the tiles."

The entire jet froze in thunderstruck silence, even the engines seeming to work that one over. Then, as one, everyone got it and turned, also as one, to stare at Barnes, who wore the smuggest, most shit-eating grin Bruce had ever seen.

And Steve? Steve looked like he'd swallowed the space worm he'd just been cut out of.

_"JAMES. BUCHANAN. BARNES."_

And, for the first time in Avengers' earshot, Bucky Barnes threw back his head and let loose with a belly laugh.

For the life of him, Bruce couldn't blame him. Or Steve for immediately losing all his thunder and breaking into a soft, fond smile. Or Tony for letting all the innuendo go with an amused smirk.

Bucky Barnes had a damn good laugh.


	5. Episode 4 - Watch Your Ass, Cap

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I dunno if this should be a warning or not, but they talk about BDSM in this chapter. It's mostly teasing, but there is a somewhat serious discussion. Just FYI.

Like most (maybe-)couples, Steve and Barnes seemed to trade off who got to be in a bad mood on any given day. This time....

Oh, this time, it was Barnes' turn, and no one -- not even Steve -- blamed him.

"You can't just barge into a fucking HYDRA base on your own without back-up, Rogers!"

This was easily the fourth time that particular accusation had come up since they'd all stumbled back onto the jet. To Steve's credit, he hadn't tried to deny the charge. In fact, Steve had been strangely quiet for the entire rant, just letting his old friend get it all out.

"Jesus, sometimes you're still that stupid kid I had to scrape up off of every back alley in Brooklyn! Ninety-seven fucking years, and you still haven't learned to use your goddamn head. Do you know what HYDRA would do to you, Steve?"

Bruce winced when Barnes' voice dropped from a shout to a hoarse whisper, wishing he wasn't alone in the back with them. Tony and Sam were up in the cockpit, since Natasha and Clint were "on maneuvers" -- Avengers code for "taking time off at Clint's farm" -- leaving him alone with the not-so-honeymooners in the passenger area. Unfortunately, Steve's little stunt had initiated a Code Green, so Bruce wasn't in the best frame of mind to listen to a heart-to-heart brawl, either. He never felt quite like himself for hours after a transformation, and he was so not in the right mental place for such fraught emotional upheaval.

"Because I sure as hell do. They'd try to turn you into me."

"Bucky--"

"They would, and you know it, Stevie!"

To his dismay, he saw genuine tears in Barnes' eyes. Though the man was furious, he was also completely torn up inside. And Steve saw it, felt it like a wound.

"Please, Buck, I didn't mean for--"

"Shut up, you asshole! You don't know what they're capable of, but _I do_ , and they'd have done all sorts of awful shit to you, and I swear to God and Sonny Jesus, Steven Grant Rogers, I would kill you myself before letting them do that to you."

Steve paled. Bruce curled up tighter in his seat, wishing he could disappear. Silence from the cockpit.

"And then I'd follow right after you." The whisper was damn near inaudible, even in the silence. "Just like I always fucking do."

White-faced and silent, Steve lurched forward and wrapped Barnes in a hug so tight it would have cracked any but a supersoldier's ribs. Barnes struggled against it for a long moment before giving in and accepting the comfort his old friend blanketed him with.

"I'm sorry, Buck. I won't do it again."

"I hate you, Stevie."

"I know, I know." Big hands stroked the Winter Soldier's strong back. "I only went in alone because I hoped you wouldn't have to, okay? I didn't want you to see any of that."

Barnes snorted, the sound a bit wetter than he would perhaps admit to later. "You're an idiot."

"Yeah, well...." A soft laugh. "I always have been when it comes to you."

Finally, Barnes reached up and hugged Steve back, the pair leaning together for just a moment longer before standing away and eyeing each other with wary grins.

"I've said it before and I'll say it again: sometimes, I think you like getting punched."

Chuckling, Cap ran a hand through his hair and rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly. "Maybe sometimes I deserve it."

"Damn straight."

Bruce heaved a sigh of relief that the war, apparently, was over. Some of the green around the edges faded, and he uncurled enough to sit straight in his seat and put his feet on the floor. Which was, of course, the moment Tony just _had_ to open his mouth.

"There's a whole culture around that now, boys. You know that, right?"

Groaning, he pulled his knees back up to his chest and wrapped his arms around them. This could not possibly go well.

Sam, bless him, tried to forestall the inevitable. "Tony, man, do you really think this is the time for that?"

"Hey, I'm just doing my part to bring these guys fully into the twenty-first century." The rotten bastard actually unbuckled from his seat and came back into the passenger area. "You guys should look into it. It's called BDSM, and it's all about liking pain and punishment. Sound like your kink, Cap?"

Braced for the worst, Bruce was suprised that Steve only looked vaguely disgruntled, while Barnes seemed to have checked out of the conversation entirely. As usual, it was Sam who saved the moment.

"Actually, BDSM isn't so much about liking pain and punishment as it is about relinquishing control, about trusting someone else enough to give up control to them."

Maybe because it was Sam talking instead of Tony, both Steve and Barnes actually looked interested.

"It's not really a kink so much as it is a... pact, sort of. Most people who are serious about the Lifestyle are very clear upfront on what they do and don't want, what will happen in a punishment scene, and what safety restrictions will be in place. Then, the submissive willingly and fully gives up control of the encounter to the Dominant, who takes on the responsibility of keeping everything within those agreed-upon terms while still pleasing both parties. And stopping if it's too much and the sub enacts one of the safety protocols."

Tony stared, strangely delighted by the lesson as he sat back down and rebuckled. "Why, Sam Wilson. I never would have guessed. It's always the quiet ones."

But Sam just rolled his eyes and kept his attention mainly focused on the navigation controls. "I may not be a licensed counselor, but people deal with PTSD and combat fatigue and trauma in all sorts of different ways, and I try to understand as many of them as I can."

Steve smiled. "Sam, you never cease to amaze me."

Brightening, Wilson gave Cap a big, sunny grin. "Thanks, Steve. That means a lot, coming from you."

Bruce couldn't help but grin. "Talk about your bromance."

Of course, he said it under his breath. He had no doubt that both Steve's and Barnes' heightened senses could pick it up anyway, but he wasn't too worried. Neither of them was paying him any attention. In fact, Barnes was frowning again, though in concentration instead of anger this time.

After a quiet moment, he jerked his fist out out and chucked Steve on the shoulder. "You should give that a try, Steve."

Tony just about fell out of the pilot seat, strapped in or no. "Wait, what?"

Steve looked just about as gobsmacked. "What, being a Dominant?"

Barnes rolled his eyes. "No, punk. Being a submissive. Giving up some responsibility for once. You always take everything on yourself, even when you were that scrawny little punk kid. Wouldn't it be nice to not be in charge for once?"

Cap squirmed, obviously uncomfortable with the entire concept. "I don't think that's what Sam meant by--"

"Actually, it kind of is." Sam shot Steve a considering look. "I haven't tried either side of it myself, but I'm told that the release from willingly surrendering your control to someone you trust is almost better than the sex itself. The pain aspect releases all sorts of pleasure chemicals, but the _freedom_... the _not having to choose_... that's the real high."

Steve's face was nearly purple with embarrassment, but Barnes looked both interested and highly amused. "Remember when I told you that, if you moved in, all you had to do was take out the trash and maybe shine my shoes?"

Tony blinked and turned to shoot Bruce a speaking look that Bruce did his best to ignore. Unfortunately, he instantly regretted not looking away from the main attraction because Barnes took that moment to reach back with his right hand and lay a righteous smack on Captain America's spandex-clad ass.

The sound echoed in the sudden silence. Then, Barnes spoke again in a completely alien tone that reeked of authority.

"Shine my shoes, Stevie."

Silence, again. It lasted an uncomfortable, _painful_ length of eternity.

Finally, Steve shut his mouth, though his eyes were still ridiculously wide. " _You're_ staying with _me_ this time, remember?"

Barnes smirked. "If I'd known then what I know now...."

An incredulous huff of a laugh snuck out of Steve's throat, and everyone took a deep breath of relief. Better still, Avengers Tower was finally visible in the distance, sticking up out of the New York skyline like... well, like a phallic symbol, now that Bruce was really thinking about it.

Anything to not think about the sound Barnes' hand had made on Steve's tight, perfect ass. Which he'd never considered as either tight or perfect until just now. And which he wanted to stop considering any second now.

The somewhat awkward quiet lasted until they landed and the jet tracked into the hangar, at which point everyone perked up to unload equipment. Harmless banter took over until, as always, someone had to go ruin the moment.

Bruce never once thought to hear Captain America squeal like a little girl. Nor did he expect to hear the Winter Soldier actually giggle at having provoked that squeal with a vicious metal-handed pinch to the skin at Steve's hip.

"Bucky, what the hell!"

Of course, Tony gleefully jumped on that one. "Language, Cap!"

Grumbling, Steve squirmed around in his suit enough to bare the injured area, and Bruce winced to see the deep, black bruise already forming just under the cut line of his iliac furrow. It would heal in no time, but, right now, it looked painful as hell.

Sam wisely kept his trap shut while elbowing Tony toward the exit. Tony went, but backwards and with a huge, cheesy grin. Bruce followed, more than ready to get away from the weirdness and from Steve's likely reaction to such a cheap shot.

"Okay, seriously, Buck. For the record..."

Tony dug in his heels against the two-man guidance, and even Sam slowed just enough to hear the rest of such a serious-sounding speech.

"...my safeword is Liberty."

Bucky snorted. Sam laughed and covered it with one hand while dragging at Tony with the other. Tony, of course, demanded to know how the hell Captain America knew what a safeword was, let alone had one ready.

And Bruce? Bruce just needed a nap. Maybe some mellow jazz. Some bongo drums.

Huge. Bag. Of weed.


	6. Episode 5 - Work That Body

"Bruce, Bruce, come here come here come herecomehere--"

He didn't even have a chance to take off his glasses before Tony grabbed him by the arm, hauled him up off his stool, and dragged him out of the lab.

"We gotta hurry before they're done. YOU WILL FINALLY HAVE TO ADMIT THE TRUTH."

Mentally feeling about ten steps behind, Bruce stumbled and tried to jerk out of the brutal grasp. "Tony, what the hell are you talking about?"

"Even you can't make this something harmless and bromantic. I finally caught them dead to rights. I will be avenged!"

Bruce tried to stop. He really did. He dug his heels into the floor and jerked back hard, but that only made Tony change his mode of attack when he was jerked around behind with his inertia. Just like that, Bruce felt himself shoved forward instead of dragged, and he had to struggle just to keep his footing against the relentless pressure at his back.

"We are not going to spy on them, Tony! What the hell has gotten into you?"

"It's not spying. It's science. I have found proof to support my hypothesis, and now we're testing it by listening at the fucking keyhole so get a move on or we'll miss everything!"

They didn't even make it to the guest rooms before Bruce heard a low, resonant moan and knew beyond a doubt that he did not want to be here. At all. In fact, he was starting to long for Calcutta.

Because that low, sensual moan was backed by a very distinctive buzzing sound.

"Tony--"

A hand clamped over his mouth, and he was even more uncomfortable now that he was muzzled with his science bro wrapped around him like a boa constrictor. He struggled, but Tony had a wiry strength that people tended to overlook outside of the Iron Man suit.

"God, Stevie... oh, right there."

_Bzzzzzzzzzzzz...._

Another moan. "Jesus, where'd you learn to... uh... oh, yeah, Steve... unh...."

He shook his head as much as possible, trying to worm out of Tony's grip, but Tony had no intention of giving up on solid proof that the resident senior citizens were polishing each others' helmets, as it were. As much as Bruce did not want to hear any of this, he was strapped in for the duration.

God help him.

"Nnn... Steve, harder...."

_Bzzzzzzzzzzz...._

"Oh, God, I can... unh... literally feel the muscle loosening up... oh, Jesus, Stevie, do that agai--uh!"

"That the spot, Buck?"

The only response was a low purring groan that made sweat break out on his forehead and trickle down his spine. And under all of it, that godforsaken buzzing sound.

_Bzzzzzzzzzzzz...._

"How's that, Buck? Better?"

"That is fucking amazing... mmm...."

Tony's breath grew shorter and more rapid, and Bruce wanted more than anything to jerk away and run screaming the opposite direction. This was worse than an invasion of privacy. This was a betrayal of trust. The pair had left the door open, clearly believing that no one in the tower would do what he and Tony -- okay, mostly Tony, because Bruce sure as hell wasn't here of his own volition -- were doing right now.

"Is it better there--"

"Uh, Steve! Oh, God, again right there please!"

_Bzzzzzzzzzzzzz...._

"There ya go, Buck. Loosen up for me."

"Steeeeeeeeeve...."

_Oh. My. God. I cannot hear any more of this._

For a single, panicked second, he wanted to Hulk out, just to get away. Thank Thor and all his family -- except Loki -- but Tony picked that moment to gasp and release his grip, only to stride right toward that open doorway.

"Tony!" He tried to whisper, but he was too wound up for volume control. He could only hope the mating pair were too... involved... to hear.

"I have to know!" was Tony's hissed response.

Three steps later, the big jerk was knocking on the door even as he shoved it all the way open and walked right into the room. Bruce, too appalled at the audacity for inaction, was already on his feet and following barely a step behind.

"Hello, boys! I just wanted to say--" Tony cut himself off in confusion. "Wait... what...?"

He tried not to look. He really did. He jerked futilely at Tony's shoulder in an attempt to drag the idiot from the room, but Tony wouldn't be budged.

"Um... what are you guys doing?" Steve asked, thankfully not sounding either furious or mortified at the intrusion.

Of course, now he _had_ to look. And, of course, the scene was perfectly innocent.

Well... mostly innocent.

Barnes lay on his stomach on the bed -- honestly, Bruce had no idea whose room they were even in -- stripped down to a pair of dark grey boxer briefs. His muscular back and shoulders gleamed with oil as they rippled in response to Steve's ministrations. Steve, on the other hand, wore flannel pajama pants and a t-shirt that only barely cut off circulation to his arms. He knelt with his knees on either side of Barnes' thighs, guiding a hand-held, vibrating back massager over the bared, tight, shifting muscle of his friend's back.

Finally, Tony broke the silence. "You have got to be kidding me."

Cap never stopped the massage for a moment, paying special attention to the chewed-up scar tissue around where the metal arm attached over and around the shoulder. Barnes, seemingly oblivious to the audience, groaned and rolled his body in a slow wave of pure bliss.

"Kidding you about what?"

Bruce, relieved beyond belief even as he knew this was still a horrible breach of trust, grabbed Tony by the back of the neck and forced a smile. "Nothing! Right, Tony?"

"Ow ow ow ow--"

"C'mon, Stevie, don't stop. I almost feel like a human being again."

Oh, but he felt like a real asshole. Here Barnes was getting some temporary relief from the weight of the metal arm and its accompanying buttressing along his skeletal structure, and Tony Fucking Stark had burst in on them in an attempt to out them as homosexuals once and for all. When it didn't even matter anyway.

"We were just leaving. Tony had something to ask you, but it can wait. Right, Tony?" He accompanied the demand with a harsh clench of his fingers on the jerk's nape.

"Right!" Tony agreed, cringing. "Sorry for the... er... interruption."

Mystified, Steve just shrugged and went back to his thorough massage. Admittedly, the massager did look a bit... phallic, but as far as Bruce knew, they all did.

"You okay, Buck?"

"Harder, Stevie. You almost had it a minute ago."

Tony didn't resist as Bruce force-marched him out of the room and down the hallway to the common area, where he finally loosed his vicious grip and all but shoved the occasionally smug bastard away.

"Tony, that was unforgivable! How _could_ you? And how could you drag me into it _with_ you! I have never felt like a bigger creep in my life!"

To his credit, Tony looked almost as bad as Bruce felt. "I'm sorry, okay? I don't know what... I just... I was _so sure_ \--"

"Dammit, Tony, they're your friends! At least Steve is, and Barnes is a recovering trauma victim you have invited into your home! You _completely_ betrayed their trust, and all to prove... what? Why does it matter so much to you?"

"Why does what matter?"

They both spun to face Natasha, guilt all over their faces.

"Nothing!" As usual, they somehow said it in unison.

The Widow's eyes narrowed. "Stark, you do remember that I threatened to tell Pepper if you didn't leave Steve and Barnes alone, right?"

Tony immediately went into grovel mode. "Don't. Please. Don't. She won't talk to me for a week and I won't get laid for a year."

"And it would be well-earned." Bruce grunted. "I can't believe you did that!"

"He has a valid point, Stark. Why is proving whether or not they're fucking so important to you? Are you a closet homophobe? Because honestly, that would shock the hell out of me after some of the stories I've heard about you."

Bruce blinked. He'd heard Natasha sound deadly, of course, but he'd never heard her sound so cold. She was furious. _Beyond_ furious.

Someone had threatened the lioness' cubs, and that someone would pay.

And that someone was Tony Stark.

And Tony knew it.

"Nat, c'mon. I swear I'll leave them alone. I give up. They're not gay. Whatever. Bruce was right all along. It's none of my business. Please don't neuter me in my sleep and feed me the pieces in my omelet the next morning."

She stared at the so-called genius long and hard, letting every single life she'd ended show in her eyes. Even without that gaze directed at him, Bruce felt the chill of it and shivered. He had no idea how Tony could face it full-on without pissing himself and crying.

Finally: "If I so much as sense that you're eavesdropping on them again, you're gonna find out just how many body parts you can lose without dying from blood loss and shock. Understood?"

Tony raised his right hand. "Stack of Bibles."

"Good. Now go do something in the lab before I enlighten Steve -- and, more importantly, Barnes -- as to the real reason you strolled up into their room without so much as a hello."

Tony yiped and left the room at a near-run, and the Widow turned her basilisk gaze on Bruce. Luckily, for all that he felt guilty as hell for being dragged along, he knew well enough that he'd only been slightly responsible for the fiasco and had tried to stop it the entire time. Of course, Natasha knew that, too, and softened almost immediately.

"I feel like an asshole."

She gifted him that tiny, barely-there smile. "I know you do. Tony will, too, once he really thinks about what he did. Let's just hope Barnes really is none the wiser, because I don't think even Steve could stop him if he decided to go for revenge."

He grunted. "In this case, I'm not sure Steve would try."

The tiny grin widened the slightest bit. "So, you're not curious?"

Shrugging, he shoved his hands in his pockets. "It really is none of my business. If they are and wanna say something about it, more power to them. If they're not, more power to them."

"Good." She nodded and turned to leave the room. "They deserve whatever solace they can find in each other, however they choose to find it."

Then, just as the elevator door opened, she looked back at him over her shoulder... and winked.

His eyebrows rose. Natasha knew everything that went on in the tower. _Everything_.

Was she saying...?

"Jarvis, take me to the gym, please."

"Of course, Agent Romanoff."

And just like that, she was gone, leaving that tiny, mysterious grin behind like the Cheshire cat.

 

THE END

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If anyone made it this far, many thanks. I don't know what possessed me, but I had a stupidly good time writing this. Hope you enjoyed!


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